80/20 rule.

i was just thinking that movie;
Why Did I Get Married & then i
thought of this rule & decided to share.

in every relationship, a man is only
gonna get 80 percent from a woman.
so he obviously goes to find that other
20 percent. he finds the 20 percent
and leaves the 80 percent thinking
hes getting something bettter. but
after time passes by he realizes that
he left 80 percent for 20 percent & the
80 percent has moved on to something
better, & at the end of it all hes screwed.

deadass....

im thinking about ending this blog.

ICS

i think things between us are just fucked up.
how do we go from best friends to acting as
if we don't even know each other? i hate the
fact that we have to live like this. i feel like
everything happens for a reason. i don't
understand what happened with us. I'm
thinking about what this could mean.


I'm sick of you trying to make me feel inferior.
i refuse to let you or anyone make me feel
inferior without my consent. you always
leave me out when its all of us. I'm not the
only one who notices it. and I'm not gonna play
the victim if that's what you want.


I'm really not begging for your friendship,
but i don't wanna act as if i don't know you.
if you choose not to speak to me, that's cool.
but give me the closure of at least knowing
why. i miss having you around, & i miss all
the fun times we had oh so long ago. i
miss you, and I'll always be here for you.
take care of yourself, and my number will
forever be the same. ♥

thought.

so today, i find out that he cheated on me.
yeah he did. i mean i had trust in him, so
i never thought he would. he fucked
another girl. a girl i was friends with. thats
so stupid. im not here to villify her, but i am
here to share a piece of my mind.

so please explain to me, how me& yu are friends.
then you go fck my boyfriend? actually let him take
you viirginity. that shit makes no sense. actuallly
this really doesnt even need to be written about.
but all i have to say is that this is why i never have
a boyfrriend there is js no trust. i would never ever
cheat on anyone. i promise yu that.

haaaay.

so i got the laptop. & internet is back in action.
wellll school has obviously started, and its good.
im making new friends & they're good. the new
little freshmen boys are mad cute and very nice.
i play volleyball, and it was really fun but now i
actually i hate it. i hate practice, and games. but
im not gonna quit because im not a quitter.


boys #1 & 2 are done. ahaha i give up. i've got
my priorities in order. and i know what is most
important to me & its really not boys. i've
realized that basically every single boy out
there is the same. they all was sex, and they are
alll afraid of commitment. im getting to the point
in my life where im done fcking with wack ass
dudes. and i really dont wanna waste anytime.
for me your either in it all or nothing. seriously.


but now i really dont even want a boyfriend, i'd
rather js chill and do me. i been doin me for the
past 16 years, & it seems to be working out fine.
i honestly like js chillin with the guys. thats all i
do, & i js like being with the guys. i like js chilling
with them. i really dont care anymore, calll me
whatever the hell you want. im js doing what i
like to do, how i want to do it whether you are
okay with that or not. i js dont care. i know this
is completely random. but whatever. ahah i
wish that people would js let me live my life,
& not critisize what i do. its annoying.


but other than lifes usual difficulties. everything
is good. i think im actually happpy. (: well life is
life, but what else can you do. i have the 3 best
friends a girl could ask for. im still young, i have
one more year of school, then im off to college.
so for now the rest of my youthood, im going to
live it up. life is a party so im gonna live it up.
boys come and go, things go wrong as theyy
always willl, but you only live once. so why
mope around & be sad about whats going wrong.
js pick things up & live your life. & (:

catch up.

my computer broke again. which sucks. :/

im on the phone with harry. this man is my

best buddddy. he thinks his girl is cheating

on him. but i dont know what to tell him.

but anyways moving onnn. so i been good

lately i guess. so about my boy situation ;

i got #1 and #2. call me whatever yu want.

#1 was doin good for a while. but now is js

slackin again. i mean idk what to do or say.

i js kinda feel like its not that serious any

more. like i love him & i always willl. but i

js feel like now, we're better off as friends.

i dont get the same feeling i used to and

idk what it is. i wanna have a niiice long

talk, but that js hasnt happened yet, so i

dont know what to do next. im js chillin &

doin me, for now. i feel like i'll always be

there for him, & when things come crashing

down he will always have me to lean on.

#2. what to say about him. ha! i js feel like

me & him arent on the same page. hes 17

but i feeel like he acts like he's 13. even tho

im younger i feel like i act way older than

him. i feeel like he likes me more than i

like him. & its weird, cause i like him but

js not as much as i thought i did. i dont

wanna tell him that i dont like him as

much as i thought, cause i dont wanna hurt

him at all. but then i dont wanna lie to him.

its kinda hard, cause im stuck. i know that

he's everything i've ever wanted, but he's

nothing i'll ever have. & that sucks. but its

all my fault.

there is som kid i like a little. i js met him

& i know i dont know him that much, but

hes cooool. im not gonna say to much about

it cause i dont wanna look stupid. so thas that.

-----------------------------------------------

i got this friend. i love her to death. she talks to

some kid. and yesterday i was thinkin ; and the

reason why things arent working out, is because

she plays his game. yu know how when you

play sports, they tell you "play your game, dont

play their game." she plays his game, and thas

why things dont work. i wanna tell her but idk

how, and i dont wanna seem like im all up in her

businesss. :/ so idk. i want yu to know that ily,

& ill always be here. no matter what. <3

have you ever ...

felt like you were stuck in a rut ?!

i feeel like im stuck. what do you do

if all your life you wanted someone to

call yu js to say hi, calls you beautiful,

smiles at the thought of your name, when he's

with his boys he points to you & says

"yeah thas her.", wants nothing more

than to show you the world and everything

it has to offer, likes you for you, & most

importantly js wants to make you happy.

i've always wanted a guy like that, someone

js like that. js freaking like that. js like it.

and not that i have it, it seems like i dont

even want it. in this case i think that its

really bittersweet. & i want him but then

again i dont. i need him but i dont. idk.

its something i've wanted for oh so long,

but now that i actually have it it seems

like hes js not my style. im used to thugs

i guess yu can say. ha. & now that i have

someone who is always nice to me. idk its

js wierd.

im afraid to let go of my past. im afraid to

open up cause i dont want to be judged

for my story. im most afraid to make him

my everything, cause when he's gone i'll

have absolutely NOTHING.

that scares me the most to be completely

honest. mel says to give him a chance because

it could do me some good, and i'll realize

that i deserve this good treatment. but its

easier said then done. i do know that i

need to stop making up excuses & js come

face to face with this.

this must have been what he was talking about

on sunday when he said for god to help me

make the right decision. well its right that i do

need gods help to make this decision. i js hope

that i can make a good decision & fast. its

my confusion ; what i want, what i need, and

what i misss. i dont know honestly.

this is so bittersweet, its gonna be the death of me. . .

vacation . . .

so i came back from salt water canoeing
on the coast of maine. ahah what a blast.
deadass! like it was wack during some parts,
but the canoeing & just chilllin having some
quality time with the guys was the bomb.

im not gonna go into detail about what
exactly happened every single day i was
gone cause that would take to long. lol but
stilll, i had mad fun. i only got like 4 or 5
mosquito bites! ahaha i was mad shocked.

i came home, and i kinda wish i could go back.
maybe not back there, but somewhere out
of here. i still dont wanna be back home. :/

g h O s t . . .

salt water canoeing on the east coast of maine. . .

idiot. . .

so i just had a talk with my mother.
about her "boyfraaan" it was str8.
accept the fact that she thought it
was a bit of a joke, & she denied
everything just like i thought she
would. but idk whatever, i just
know that im not having this fight
with her anymore. & that im just
gonna let her do her thing, and make
her own decisions.


then her "boyfraaan" comes along, and
wants to talk to me. but he doesnt know
what the fuck he wants to say. which is
more than clear to me that he has HORRIBLE
communication skills. anywaysss, alll
homeboy could say was "i know you
dont like me." like okay let me freaking
explain to you why you annoy me.
then he starts laughing & is calling me
prettty, trying to make me laugh. im
like wth. STOP TAKING ME FOR
A DAMN JOKE WHEN IM TRYING
TO BE ohSO SERIOUSSS!


whatever that conversation was jst
p o i n t L e s S * im done.

a wise man once said . . .

"First they laugh at you, then they ignore you, then they fight you. Then you win."- Ghandi

"You worry about yours, let them worry about theirs, cause I got mine." - LilWayne

it makes me laugh how i was just talking

yesterday about how people judge me for

everything that i do. good or bad. but it

feeels like this is an on going argument.

im a monster. no one can control me

anymore. i dont care what you think

about the way i dresss. and i

really really really dont care what you

think about the pictures i take!

its MY camera. MINE FOR A REASON.

to take pictures I want to take. its

MINE remember that. & i can put

MY pictures wherever i want to.

WHEREVER I WANT TO CAUSE

ITS MY CAMERA, WITH MY PICTURES!

you have to just get over it, & nothing you

say willl make me change my mind! -___-

jugdement . . .

i never get a break do i?!

you read my shit, tell me you

like it, & then you do just what

i asked people not to do. you

come &

JUDGE ME.

didnt i just ask you not to judge me.

wtf seriously. you dont realize that

you just pissed me offff. its not even

cooool. you shouldnt faaacking judge

people, because they could be the

most amazing people you ever

come in contact with.

i never judged you for your story, and

it saddens me to know that you just

judged me for mine. the thing is that

your supposed to be my boy. & you

didnt even apologize you just quick

to blame me. well you know what

guessss that worlddd ! ;

I'LL BE THE REASON FOR EVERYONE'S

PAIN, AND YOU CAN All JUST BLAME ME!

im sick of thiiis shiiiit. that just

showed me how waack you are.

you said ;

"thats not how i view you."

stop judging me & let me do me.

im giving you one chance to

apologize for your misjudgements

of me. that ReallyReallyReally hurt.

i hope yur happy. smelllllll. -____-

honestly . . .

people are so very judgemental.

its sickening. seriously, who in the

world are you to judge me for my

story and what i do. yessss i do

understand that everyone is

gonna talk shit about you and

what you do whether you're

doing the right thing or the

wrong thing but still.

adultsss. seriously, your an

adult. grow up! if you dont

like the way i dress, if you

dont like my attitude, if you

think im a bad influence.

OH FREAKING WELLL. -__-

i dress cute, not skanky. thankyou.

i dont have an attitude, i just dont

care about anything you have to say.

im not a bad influence, im just open

with the things i do. trust me your

kids do the things i do too. & i can

almost gaurantee you that they do

it more than i do.

just be cause i won $1,000 doesnt

mean anything. seriously. money

cant make you who you are. you cant

expect me to act a certain way because

i won some money. the money had nothing

to do with my behavior at alll. mmkay?!

i am who i am. im not changing for anyone.

i know that your adults, & i'm a teenager.

i understand that we will never ever be on

the same level, but still. for you people

to judge me before you even know me

is horrrible, and no one should be treated

that way. dont ever look down on me, its

just not right. you really need to take a good

look at yourself before you try to come

at me. say what you want about me,

i cant stop you anyways.

just remember that you have absolutely

no idea what its like to be me. how you

treat people, will affect them for the

rest of thier lives.

talk about me as much as you want to.

and say whatever you wanna say its

pointless to tell you to stop anyway.

if you think that i dont care about anything?

your wrong.

if you think that i'll never find someone

who will treat me right?

your wrong.

if you think that my attitude is the

reason that im unhappy?

your wrong.

if you think that i'll never be happy?

your wrong.

but if you think im going no where in

life, guess what?!

DAMN, YOUR WRONG AGAIN.

im your average teenage girl. doing what

we do. yeah i do things that im not proud

of, but oh well. its life, & you only live once.

im living the life of every teenage girl, &

im being judged for everything that i do

whether its good or bad. i dont understand

why you people dont tell me about the

gifts god has given me, and encourage me

to open them up. you might think im

not going anywhere in life, but iam

determined to prove you wrong.

mark my words, im gonna be somebody

someday. wait&see. you just wait&see.

sometimes . . .

when you think that everything

is starting to fall back in to place,

and things are going to be better

this time, and when things start

to go back to the way that they

used to be, and its going bad

again, you cant help but feel

like an idiot because you

thought that things would

be different this time.

*' sometimes things dont

always go how you thought

that they would. but you

have to just keep your head

up and keep on keepin on.

reality. . .

tears dont help anything,
so its time to stop crying. . .

i realized. . .

i have a serious problem with
someone. someone very important.
so important that this problem is
honestly overtaking my life. this
problem needs to be solved. asap.
i have a problem with someone
that matters most to me. & her
name is shimona. yeah i have a
problem with myself. : i need to
deal with this, before it overtakes me.
-----------------------------------
i talked to raquel today. i was telling
her what was bugging me, and she
helpedd me. ahah as stupid as it
sounds she helped me. & got me
to thinking that shes right. im having
a problem with myself & before i can
get better, i have to solve my own
problem. but yeah, its all about the
situation with my mother.
-----------------------------------
im so used to being in control & now
that im not anymore i dont know
how to deal with it. and i have
one of twooo options. :
-- keep being mad at her, & have this
same fight with her every single time.
-- find out what im actually mad about,
and talk to her about it.
-----------------------------------
im going with option 2. but im just
trying to figure out how im gonna
approach her with it, while being
thoughtful. . . . . . . hmmmm. this is
good for me. ha.


someone open my eyes a little wider, so i can see the light. ha.

and ..

she lays on her bed
with tears running down
her face, wondering what
the hell happened to her life.

cunt.

okay sooo im super fucking pissed.
like seriously, i fucking hate everyone.
seriously. my mother is such an idiot.
seriously. -_____- im sick of stupid
shit, and i need to faaacking escape.

im sick of this bitch, and her bum asss
boyfraaand. like wtf the man is married.
LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE.!#$%^&*

sooo this is what happened. . . . . .
i was at church& angelica called me
& was like "oh yur mom said shes ready."
so i went down & my mother was like "go
back upstairs im waiting for albert,
so you can stay with jenn & noelani."
& i was like "aiight yur dumb."

she callls me like an hour later & is like
"come on yur leaving. i go down & shes like
yur uncle is gonna take yu cause im
going to mc donalds with albert to help
him fill out some papers."

so then i started spaaziiin. & i was like
"you fuckin blow everything outta
proportion, and yu always pull this
stupid shit, wtf im not goiin!" and i
went back upstairs. so then she just
left me stranded. like are yu fucking
deadasss?! fuck you then. seriously.

the thing that makes me so mad is
that she picked her bum asss fucking
"boyfraaan" over her fucking kid.
seriously. she ignored my brother
tooo. like fuck this seriiously.
ugh whateverrrr. SMELLLL. -____-

today

i went to jermaine & jamals house.
they had a birthday cookout. (:
its was mad niceee. lol i had fun.

it was me, chris, angelica, miles,
chris H, tynisha, daniesha, thalia,
angelito, essence, alexi, some kid
nick, DeShawn, morgan, & sonny.
we just chillled, ate, and chillled
some more. ahaha. it was cutee.

so yeah it was fun. we also did
play vollleyball for a little. lol
but i suckkk. so idk but the
boys played basketballl, so i
went to go play "defense." ;]
my boyfraaaand was gasssed.
lOl but he couldnt handle ittt.

but im outskiiiiii. im outt smelllll.

washington...

i jst got back from washington dc.
it was the shit. actually im lying
it was wack but i went with my
loves, so we made it the shit. lOl

we went to some conferenceee &
i learned mad new stufff, it was
goood. but the best part is that
i reallly liked being on vacation,
because i liked being away from
everyone, & stressful shit. like idk,
it was odeeee fun. i went with mad
peoplee ; chrisss♥ angelica,
miles, jamal, thalia, DeShawn, tynisha,
and chris hunter. we had bad times
obviously, but we made the best out
of it, and had mad fun.

the best part was the hotelll. lmao
i felt like i was the shit. me, angelica,
tynisha, and thalia had a rooom to
ourselvess. lmao four 16 year oldsss?
yuu know that we had paaaahty every
nightttt! lmfao. that took my mind offf
mad other stufff. ahah which was good.

i met mad new people from all over the
us. & in threee days i bagged 6 numbers.
lmfao. 3 from tennesse, 2 from wisconsiin,
and 1 from mississippi. (: one of them is
super inLike with me. lmao he stays texting
me. ahah hess inLike odeeee. !@#$%^&*(

but yeah it feeels good to be back home,
i hated living out of a suitcase deadasss.!
ahaha im defff going back next year. ;]

sorry

soooo hmmm what can i blog about!

i feeel like i havent blogged in forever,

that i forgot how to do it. but ima try. (:

----------------------------------------

so yeaaaah last sunday me & the dollS

had a paaaaahty. tNani comes texting

me talking about : " come to my houseee

we haaaaviin paaaaarhtyyyyy. " i just died

laughin lmao. & so me, isadora, & mel

went. it was funn we went swimmin

& had a photo opt. ;] we went to the fire

workss, and had even more fun. until

dudes almost got hit in the face. lmao -_-

but its whateverrr. i saw people i havent

seen in mad long. que sad. :/

-----------------------------------------

my birthday was last friday, july 3rd.

it was waaack, but i really did have a good

day, cause i was with genuine people that

i love with allll my heart. even though i

didnt do any crazy shit, and i thought

that it was wack, now that i look back on

it i really think i did have a good day.

i got my permit finallly! the picture

on it is ugly. ahah oh welll but the test

is so overratted. its the easiest test i've

ever taken in my life. :D i painted the

babys room tooo. its mad cute, & shes

stilll so smalll. she's gaining weight tho.

8 pounds now & shes 2 months! this is great.

--------------------------------------------

hiiiiiiiiii im sorrrry !
my computer finally works again.
i'll be writing like i used to. lol

long timee no writeee. aha

whaaats happppeniiiin. (:
i havent been on this shit in
mad long. ahaha but yeah anywho.
-----------------------------------
the other day, the carwash was cancelled.
:/ i was sad lol. but yeah its whatever.
speaking of dynamy, my internship
still isnt set up. which sucks cause
i need to get that ish done. lol but w/e
---------------------------------------
im sleeepin at my cousins houseee. aha
shes 22, & im here with her boyfraan, but
they're both like big litttle kids. ahah im
havin odee fun right now. lol <3 love them.
her boyfraaan was teaching me how to drive
a stick. seeing that im hopefullly gettting
my permit next friday. lol ahha but i wanna learn
how to drive a stick because then no one can
ask me to drive my car. lol that'd be great!
-----------------------------------------
then he told me that "im very particular about
who im friends with because i can tell whose
fake and who's not." aha i kinda think thats true,
because i dont have any friends true statement.
and i really dont care. lol it is what it is. ahah :D
he is the shiiiiiiiiiit nigggaaaaa. i get good vibes
from hiim. my cousin picked a goood one. ahaha ♥
--------------------------------------------
oh yeah today me him & my cousin was in
walmart, and i seeen some silly string, and
i came and sprayed it on him, and then i
thought it was over. ahah but he came back
for revenge. and he got me. lmao he got me od
with sillly string. lmaoo so its war now! ahaha
---------------------------------------------
but yeah im gassed that my boy is stilll my boy.
ahaha i think that we are closer than ever. lmao
& its the shiiiit. lmao hes the bomb. :D welllllllllll,
im kinda sorta talking to someone, hes cute. ahah
i beeen hanging with him a lot & ishh. but yeah
idk its not that serious, we're both on the same
page, and dont wanna be tied down cause its
summmer. you know?! & we're both going on
vacation. but yeah its gravy. i dont wanna like
be tied down to anyone cause its summer, i just
want to live my life, & do me. its summer 09
we in hereeee, lets get it. ahah i dont need no
man holding me down. i want to be able to do
what i do. and have fun while doing it. yu know?
but yeah it is what it is. schoools out, its the
summmmer, and its time for me to do me
the way i want tooo so for those of you who
dont like it..... FAAACKKK YAAAAA. :D
-----------------------------------------
but yeah shit with me is gooood. lol im happpy
and everything is going good i guess. lol my
internet isnt working, so ill be on when i can.

lol smelllllll.

oh yeah!

my song of the upcoming week is:
"dont forget about us" - mariah carey.
-- i just remembered i loved that song.


and the quote of the day is :
"you never think the last time is really
the last time, you never think there
wont be more. you think you have
forever, but you dont."

satuhday was a goood day.

the carwash this morning was

the bomb diggity! lmao (: i had

mad fun chillin with my buddies.

like we all seem to get along good,

so i know that washington will be

mad fun. lOl. we had 3 things going

on, we was having a yardsale. (wack)
a carwash. (bomb) and we were

sellling foood. (maad goood.) ahah

the carwash was free, but we were

accepting donations. thats how we

made mad guap. like some random

ass nice lady gave us $40 as a donation.

i was maaaad shocked. lmao i had fun.

-------------------------------------

i was stuck at the nail salon with my

mother. -_- i hate being in the nail

salon when im not getting my nails

done. it was so wack, so i just fell

asleeeeep. ahaha but yeah that

was it.

------------------------------------

yeah then i went to my boys house.

and i had mad fun. well just cause

like we got to talking, and i got some

goood advice. ahaha yo i love him. <3

-------------------------------------

but thats it, and tomorrrow is the big

day. carwash part II. i did one for church,

and tomorrow is one for dynamy. if the

one today was this fun, i can only imagine

what tomorrow will be like. lmao me & mel

washing cars alllll dayyy! lmao 11am-3pm.

text me & get yur car washed for free.

but send a donation. lmfao. (: im ohso tired.

and i need to write in my journal. lol smelll.

fridaaay! part II

mmmkay im baaaaaaackkk. (:
-------------------------------
so yeah i deffinitely want them dunks.
odeee i want them. lmao (: but yeah.
after we roamed some more we left.
i wanted some jeans so baad, but i hate
shopping for jeans, cause idk what size
iam. & i hate trying to figure it out. ):
--------------------------------------
so we left, then i went to mels house,
and played with destiny. awwwh
shes so cute. lol i love herrr. she was
odeee laughing with me today. ♥
----------------------------------------
then i went to nuggets, and i met her brother.
hes maaaad nice. (: lol but then ma drove me
to toriesss. & some other stupid ish happened,
and i was mad shocked about that. lmao. :/
pooooor innocent litttle boy. lmao ahahaahaha
& so i was there eating motzerella stickssss.
ahah yo i love that girl odeee. (: we got BIG
BIG BIG plans for this summmmer. (:
y'ALlLll CAAANT SEEE USSSSSSSSSSSS.
--------------------------------------------
then my mother came to get me, and she was
alll mad so i was laughing at her. & texting up
a storm. then i went to lester for some reason.
lol i went to help my mom but i felll asleeep so
i dont have anything else. lmao. but yeah, idk.
----------------------------------------------
did i mention that this whole weeek i beeen
going to sleep at like 2am. and i been so tired.
and i have no idea how i beeen functioning. lol.
i think im runnnning on adrenaline and idk. (:
the plans for this weeekend are od. ahah so i
guess sunday, im gonnna recoooperate? ahah
welll i think thats it. i had a goood week overall.
but now im upset. so im outskiiii. smelllington! (:

fridaaaaay!

yoooo ! today was literallly mad crazy.
like i been shocked, & dumbfounded
allll damn day. & i have no idea why.
--------------------------------------
at schoool at the end of the day, i was
mad shocked, cause some shit happened.
dont asssskkkk. long storyyy but yeah.
----------------------------------------
after school i was with melissa as usual.
and two other boys. that were suppossed
to buy us fooood! lmao they fronted. ahah
so we was at mel's house for a good 30
minutes chilllen on her porch with them.
-----------------------------------------
then we went on some street. lmao i rlly
didnt even know where i was. :D but yea.
so we was there, then we seen some guy
get robbed. like it was OD the guy was
literallly like 10 feet away from me. i was
OD scared. :/ like everyone was just watchn
tooo. the boys were just tellin us naht to
worrry, and naaht to look. but deadasss,
its was like a car accident, i didnt wanna
look, but i couldnt stop staring. i felt so bad.
-----------------------------------------
then we went to dynamy. mind you, this
whole time MY DAMN PHONE IS DYING.
-_- so we get there, and raquel is like lets
go to the mallll. so i was like yaaaaah! ahaha
but i was stilll mad dumbfounded and shocked
about what i just seeen. lol. so we get to theee
maallll, & i didnt even feel like shopping.
lol idk. but yeah. we was in forever 21. and
maad other stores. but hmm i seeen these
dunks, and they was maaad cute. im bout to
ask for them for my bday. i seen like 3 pairs
i wanted. damn i want them . lol but hmmmm,

im bout to leave, im naaaht done with this blog.
i'lll be baaack! lmao give me 45 minutes. (:

no nameee.

welllll hmmm. (:
life is just grand. lol
---------------------
lol monday was bomb! (:
i hung out with my nigggasss.
daaamn had been mad long,
but i had a blast. niggas seemed
like they missed me. lmao yay!
aha i was gassed. lol and it was a
beautiful day, so i was even more
happpppy but yeah. mickey was
actin mad waaack. she wouldnt
wanna bag one of my boys! lmao*
---------------------------------
tuesday i seen my niggas again. lol
it was str8. lol but i got bruised. :/
they hurt ohdee. -_- and yeah. lol
i went to dance to, & when i get there
they wanna come tell me that dance
is cancelledd for the night. yo i was
pissed! deadasss. like what the faack.
yu made me come across the city for
no reason. i was tight & still am! -_-
-----------------------------------
today was dynamy, and the freshman
induction. lol we went to some garden
on main street. & i seen a sexy! lmao
aha but yeah i hate main street. -_-
and they made is walk there. i was od
pisssed. but it was str8, cause i was
with the girls. lOl. (: but yeah. at the
induction tonight, i looked mad cute.
& i quote. lol i had on some hawwwt
zebra stilletos. (: ahaha YES MONEY!
lmao mel had heeels on too, i taught
her wellll. lol but yeah i made a speech.
and i won the spirit award. yo i got spirit!
lmao. i should be a cheerleader. naaah im
odin. but yeah i had fun tonight. (: then
some kid was taking pictures of my shoes,
cause he was in love with them lmao. but
he was a boy, so i was mad confused. aha
------------------------------------------
but yeah. life is swelllllll. <3 im outskiii.

think before yu act.

i reallt think that people dont do that
before they do something. seriously.
i just watched a video, and it was
about thinking before you act. & idk,
it just made me sad, & made me get
to thinking about everything. :

foood for thought. ....

"isn't it funny how everyday
nothing seeems to changee.
But when you look back on
your life, everything is waay
diffffferent. "

deadasss...

today was the shiiiiiiiiit .
-------------------------
it was obv. wack, ahaha but
over alll it was faacking
BOMB nigggguh. (: lmao*
god answers prayerssss! ahaha
-----------------------------
today i went out, and seeen
my nigggga. yo its been mad
long & shit. but even still,
its like nothin ever changed.
dudes are still cooler than
ever, and i thought it would
be awkward, but nopeeeeeee
it was allll loveee. i got
maaad complimentsss & dudes
showed me mad love. ahaha it
was greaat. damnYo. ♥
----------------------------
i went to the supermarket.
and got ice creaaam. lol
yo i really havent been
eating that much lately. :/
i beeen maaad full all the
time. aahah whatever, im
getttting skinnierrr. (:
----------------------------
today all my plans got ruined.
-_- i hate when nigggas front.
its one of my biggest pet peeves.
ew. but anyways i had a gooooood
night. i watched a movie. lol it
was goood. but trust, neeext
weekend will be greaaat! (:
------------------------------
im so happppy like deadassss.
these past 2 days have been
so goood. like you have no
idea. (: ♥ i love my
life. hopefully this continues. (:
-----------------------------

this is for ...

The girls who held it all in when things
came crumbling to pieces again. and
This is for those days spent trying to
hold back the tears, and the tears that
turned into anger, then disappointment.

this is for all the girls that have faith that

2m will be a bettttter day, guess whaaat :

it willl be. ♥

today ...

i was so weak today. literally,

i dont feel good at alll. i couldnt

even do anything, &then i ate.

so i felt bettter. but im still

sick. urgh. ahaha.

-----------------------------

i just got extremely happpppy.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !

!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%

ANYWAYYYSSS, lmao i just

screamed. ahah ohman! ahaha

------------------------------

but yeah after school today, i

wasted mad time! -_- i coulda

been typing an essay, but i was

walking on pleasant street. lmaO*

jeeeezee meng. idk when im gonna

write that shit, i need it done soon!

-------------------------------

but yeah, washington is way

sooner. fastly approaching. lOl

31 daaaays mengg. damn! YO!

i have mad shit to do before i

go. daaamn. ahah whatever,

it'lllll be dandyyy. oh yeah maaad

drama is happenin w everyone.

faack that no one better rain

on my faaaacking parade!

-----------------------------

idk yo, im happppy now!

smellllllliiiiingtoonnn. ♥

aaaaaay

today i did so much damn work!
liiiiike i was working for like
4 hours str8. on some nerve
racking shit, i have never been
so nervous in my life. but rauqel
said that i did okay. & one day
i'll look back and laugh at myself.
yeah thats a crock of bullshit.
i had an okay day todayy! (: (:

oh yeah & today i hopped up out
the bed and turned my swag on! (:

smellllllll. ♥

pete is the best all the time. NAHT!

goodnight. >_<

i've has enough. ike i seriously
just got annoyed in the matter of
like 45 seconds. -_- people love
to test my patience. ew. >_< and
with that im taking my ass to sleep.
goooood faaacking night danksss.


oh yeah tomorrrow is gonna be a long
day!@#$%^&*( this is how it goes :
-schoool 7:20-1:45
-melissas house: 2- 3:15
-dynamy: 3:30-4:30
-math tutoring: 4-5
-breaaaak: 5-6
-chem tutoring: 6-7
-HOME & HOMEWORK:

*and all this time, i have to be raquels
secretary. ahahah i like the secretary
paaart. lol but daaamn i need sleeep.
FAAAACKTHIS SMELLLLLIIINGTONNNDANKIIIIS.

ladies & gentlemen,

it all came to a realization to me just now.
i was talking with raquel & mel, and yu know
what, its time. its time to take a deep breath,
and get on with my life! i always was, but then
i wasnt. but im moving. aha it feeels greeeat! (:




i love my liiiiifeee. ♥

hmmmmmmmmm

okay so it is the end of the road.
damnnn. -_- we made them cupcakes,
and brownies and cookies. all of
them were happpy ahahah. (: but
yeah its sad w|o them there. ):
but i know they'll all be fine.
ill miss them but i wish them
all the best of luck in there
future endeavors. <333333
---------------------------------
the baby shower was today! the
baby was only there for like
20 minutes though! -_- that was
cheeeeks ahah but shes still a
peanut! she's only 6 pounds. lol
& her car seat is so big for her.
ahah awwwh i love her. momma got
some good stuffff. lol besides all
the stuff i got her before, i got
her a big case of diapers, and a
big case of wipes to go along with
it. ahah & we got her a blanket.
jennn was maaad gasssed lmao* (:
cant wait to see you again
noelani. <3
--------------------------------
ghost isnt ghost anymore i guess.
ghost is tryna randomly just come
out the cut, & be back in our lives
again. ha. yeah whateverrrrrYO. eck.
angelica says "ghost is just trying
to get back into the swing of things,
leave ghost alone." ahaha yeah riight.
but whatever im goin with the flow. (:
----------------------------------
yeah so shiiit is going lovely iguess.
umm im living my life to the fulllestt.
and taking shit day by day. ahah the
daysss are going goood. ahaha guess what.
welcome to the show, im the main attraction! (:
------------------------------------
and with that, im outttttt. (:

ahaha

apparently this girl hates me? ahah

maaaaad random. lOl but whatever.

i dont really careee. ahah but yeah.

------------------------------------

tomrrow is really the end of the road.

like damn, i knew this day was coming

soon, but i didnt think that it was really

gonna be here this soon. like damn. i

know that its hard to let the future begin.

like this is reality, dudes are stepping out

of thier bubble into the real fucking world.

im honenstly scared for him. hmm, i just

wish that things didnt have to happen so

fastttt. -_- idk what to do, peter will be

absolutely fine i know that i just think

that im sad cause he's leaving without

me. like idk i know it doesnt sound that

serious, but to me it is. like its mad

depresssing. hmmm i know that its

not the end of the world, but still. i hate

the feeeling of being forgottten. i know that

im not forgotten yet, but thinking that

i willl be scares me. i just wish him the

best, & i hope he knows i love him. ♥

------------------------------------------

baby shower's on saturday. im happy and

sad at the same time. ugh idk what to think.

aha dont asssk why its rediculous. honestly.

but whatever, me&angelica are down for

the ride iguess. whatever tho. we've had

enough of the endless bullshiiiit grow up.

-----------------------------------------

journals great, twitter is WONDERFUL.

ghost is still ghost, and always will be i

guesss, i have one thing to say to that:

SMEEEEELLLLLLLLLL. -_-

----------------------------------------

i really feeel like even though mad shit is

fallling apart now, its not that bad, and

for once im actually not complaining.!

sometimes good things fall apart, so that

better things can fall together. ♥ i

believe that thats a true statement. so

word to that. (: but yeahhhh ahah im

constantly looking on the brightside of

things. lifes to short to be sad and to

complain all the time. lOl so whatever

yu can waste time mopeing around,

crying and whining or you can pull

your shit together and move the

FUCK ON. and you know what ....!?

IM MOVING THE FUCK ON. (:

uhmm.

damn. ahah i'm never on this anymore.

but yeah, shit is alright. ha. for once,

i can honestly say that things are

alright. just alright. not bad like they

usually are but just alright. and you

know what, its not that bad afterall.

-----------------------------------

he's in his own world, and moved on.

im obviously in my own world, and im

taking things day by day. which for me

is okay. i realized that i dont need to rush,

and sometimes i just need to take time

for myself, and just think. you know?

and now is one of those times. and

thats perfectly alright for me.

----------------------------------

my baby is now 23 days old. awwe

thats almost a month. ahah <3

i havent seen her, only pictures,

i know that shes getting biggg!

she has big dimples! and she is

still absolutely beautiful. ♥

im finally gonna see her, and on

saturday, and i cant wait. awwe

love you noelani. <3

-------------------------------

my journal is coming along! its

absolutely wonderful ahha. i know

that that sounds mad cheesy, but

its true. lol i love that thing. lOl

-------------------------------

pssst. i know i said that it was wack,

and that i would never do it, but i

did it, i made a twitter! yeah i did.

i actually kinda like it. lol (:

you people should folllow meeee!

twitter.com/shimonaaa

---------------------------

OHyeah! i hate when people go

ghost. like obviouslt everyone

does it. but still. like i dont think

that i've tried to like put in effort,

to let them know that im still here,

and i still do care, and i just wanna

help. but when someone like just

doesnt even acknowlegde the fact

that yur tryin mad hard, idk it just

kinda hurts. -_- i wish that they

would call or text & be like "hey!

im still alive." yu know, i mean it

just flusters my brain i guesss. :/

but i aint mad at cha. its just really

annnoying. but whatever its lifeeee.

^ i know who yu think im talking about,

ahah guesssss agaiinnnn! fooolish people.^

-----------------------------------------

but yeah, i mean thats just an update, lol

but i'll probably write next month. lmfao.

i love this blog. (:

lately ...

so seems to me like he moved on. hmm.

i don't know what to do or say. i always try

to do things to get my mind off of him. but

that only works for so long. then after that

im still stuck thinking about him, while im

damn sure he aint thinking about me. -_-

i have no idea what to do anymore, and i

feel like a complete and total IDIOT. :\

i need help, cause im a complete wreck.

---------------------------------------

yeah my baby is finally here! lol born

27 days early but she's here, and im

super gassed. she was born 5.1`09.

at 4 lbs. 10 ounces. and i went to see

her and she is absolutely beautiful. ♥

she doesnt understand how much i

love her. i bought her her 1st pair of

jordans, & her first pair of nikes.!

am i a great aunt or whattt? ahaha

welllllll, i love you so very much

Noelani Jael Jonay<3

--------------------------------------

my journal is coming along lovely

and i actually like writing in it.

it helps me vent i guess you

could say. i always write a

"quote of the day." in it,

and i think that sometimes

it reallly helps me to just sit

down take a breath and think.

i absolutely love my journal.

------------------------------------

overall though i guess things are

going alright. besides yu know

the regular normal stuff that

every teenage girl goes through.

ahahaha. but i think that in the

end everything will be alright.

blah.

i havent writtten in OD but i started a journal that i seem to love. (:

my dance teacher gave it to me. but yeah. anywhooo,

i feel like i have been riding a rollercoaster, & i been down most of my

ride. :/ like lately things have jussst been worse before they get better.

like idk i dont really wanna write publicy everything that happened,aha

but it doesnt matter.

zander obviously broke my heart. ahahha! theres no hope anymore i

guess. -_- i mean you know how it is when you really care about someone,

like you call them all day long cause you just want to see how their day

is going, and what they're thinking about. i mean after a while trying as

hard as you can gets old, and you just get sick and tired of being hurt. :/

i mean you know what they say;

if you love someone let them go, & if they come back to you then its

meant to be, and if they dont it never was. i guess for me, it all comes

down to me wanting to be with someone who wants me back. and

apparently i cant have that, so i'll be single forever. ha. thats not

funny. ahah eck it makes me sick.

"there is nothing worse in the world, than being dissapointed by

someone you thought loved you."

dynamy-

ha. -_- its 5:39 and i just got out the meeeting at dynamy. ahah i dont think i've ever left a meeting so mad. liks they were all talking about the word "niggga." and how its "so wrong" and

"no one should ever say it" and "stop blaming it on the white people because black people say it too" and blah blah blah. like yo shut the fuck up. and get over it. people are gonna say the word nigga no matter what so just man the fuck up and deal with it. like just because you're a senior doesnt mean that you're any smarter than any of us. like damn yo. for real im so pissed at all of them. like eck. but and so and then the people at my table was allll geeekin, cause we thought the shit was OD funnny. ahah so the whale just came out of no where & was like "MOUTHS CLOSED." and so and then im thinking in my head, shut the fuck up. who the helll are you?! oh yeah thats right, nobody. but yeah after that i just got so pissed so i put my head down. & then i left. like wtf that conversation was so stupid. and it needed to stop before it even got started. eck this is another reason why i dont like this place. -_-

but anyways me lately?... hmm i been alright i guesss. but yeah ummm i have no idea what else is new. i made a new friend! his name is ummm "peter" aaha hes super illlll doggggg. even thought e are complete opposites. lOl but hes od funnny & we hang alot. its great. but umm i might go to junior prom but i dont think so anymore. so yeah, i won the ball ! & i won 1,000 dollarssssss. can youo say gasssed?! hmm i think so. lol but yeah im waiting for my mom 7 its 6:07 now its gettting pretty late. -_- my moms outside. ahah good timing! im outtttt. pceeeeeeeeeeeee. ♥

debutante ball.

okay so the ball is tonight & im mad nervous. :/ my day hasn't started off well. my hair looks like shit. literally. -_- like eck. im so pissed about it still. but yeah like i cant even fix it, and everyone is just getting on my nerves. & i have no idea why lik eccccck. but then again it coulda been worse. :/ so look on the bright side. & i bought this new eyeliner & it fxcking suckssss! like seriously. double you tee efff. [wtf for those of you who didnt get it] but yeah my nails & toes are teh only things that came out good lol. i was in the hair dressers at 830 this morning. & not its 147 pm & i havent eaten anything. and i dont wanna eat cause then i wont fit into my dreessss! eck this sucks. but yeah i got mad people comin to see me. ahah wooop wooop & they're gonna see me lookin cheeks cause my HAIR LOOKS LIKE SHIT. -_- but yeah anyways everyone keeeps saying "oh dont stresss, dont stress" like no niggga you dont unerstand. but i reallyhope i get that $1,000 dolllars. i'll be gasssed ahah like deadasss. but nugget got het nails done just for the ball & im gasssed lol wooop wooop. ahahah mad girly! i cant wait to see them on her. and i spent mad money already for the day on mad litttle shit after this iam broke. wtf i need a job. wish me luckkk. im out ♥

assssholes

dear all you assholes,
All those times you tried to break me, I’m still here. I’m a good person, I try to do my best in everything I do. Yeah I make mistakes, I mess up sometimes but I learn. I stand on my own. One day you’ll see im going to make something out of myself. Whether im flipping burgers, or running a hospital I’ll be the best, somehow some way. I’m not going to waste my life. By the way my name is Shimona Romney and I will be somebody some day.


i had a bad day today. -_-

hmmm ...

yeah i know its been OD long lmao*. i never write on here anymore. maybe its just because im busy. well im busy doing a whole lot of nothing. :/ lOl

well yeah lately. nothin really has happened. but well i got in to a fight/argument with melissa. well it wasnt really an argument or a fight. we just stopped talking. like i dunno there was jus mad shit goin on that doesnt need to be put public. but yeah umm idk i talked to her & shit seems to be getting better but not really. lOl um i tried to fix the problem but its on her now cause i did all i could. but idfk lately i been like fuck a friend. cause they all been ghost. like idk shits just wack now. aha. :/

oh yeah the other day me & this kid got in to an argument ahahh. like idk cause he was talkin shit to me & iwas like wtf i was doin somethin is that fxcking okay with you?! damn. which resulted in us not talking for like 2 days. but we.

my phone was also disconnected from wednesday morning until friday night. lmao* -_- like idk but i kinda realized i dont really need a phone that bad. like its not that serious. but now that its back on i dont even like pay attention to it that much. i only need it when im bored. ahahh wOw.

so yeah i been hanging out with Zander. lately like umm i feeel like shit w him was better. but now its gettting worse. aha well not really pero he's just mad moody. ugh.

and then theres smith. lmfao* (thanks mangy) well idk hes old. ahah but he's OD chilll. & mad in like with me. but yeah like sometimes idk what to do cause he's like mad chill but i dont see him like that. lOl but yeahh hes mad sweet to me. ahah

welllll yeah ithink thats enough about that but ima write another one. &

by the way this probably doesn't make any sense to you but then again,

its not supposed to. (: as long as i can understand it im good.

last night !

so last night iWent out with the dolls & we had OD fun! (: we went bowling. & yes bowling is the new thing to do. watch iBet maad heads are gonna start doin that. lOl we're trendsetters. LMFAO. anyways so we has to walk from auburn to worcester last night. michaelea was distraught cause she had capri's on. ahahah we were all laughing at her. the walk was a good 25 minutes & when we got to the bowling alley place michaeleas legs were purple. lmfao* im still laughing about that. ahah so yeah when we got there we seen some cheeeks girlss, and we was laughing at them cause they were really tryna grillll. lmao* oh yeah how do you wear blue, gold, and black & match? ahah YOU DONT. lmfao oh yeaaah joke of the night was "GUTTAAA" lmao iLove my ladiess. & betcha didnt know that all of our names end in a. ahahha - shimona, melissa, tiana, isadora, & michaelea. interesting huh corey. (: thankss for that one. but yeah we met some sexy's. lmao & they were obv. scared to talk. aahhah until like an hour & a half later. lmao (: anyways so yeah iHad a great night cause iFeel like we all needed to have one girls night. its beeen forever since the last time we went out. oh yeah & we went for mitata's birthday. aahah evern though that shit was monday. (: lOl so yeah when iGot home maaad heads started calling me. iFelt OD loved. (: ahhaha then iGot one phone call that just turned my night around for the worst. -_- iWas reallly upset & iStill am. but ugh whatev. you cant rain on my parade. OH NO YOU CANT ! so todayy iWoke up mad sleepy still. & iHave nothing to do today, with no ride anywhere. :/ ugh. this really sucksss. well i'll probably write another blog later seeing that iHave nothing else to do. actually ima work on my english project. (:

"& she's the kind of girl who could be holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and no one would ever know."

befuddled.

so its been OD long. my fault. :/ but yeah hmmm iAm confused. seems like i'm always that way. lOl. but yeah like idk what to do because like iLove someone but iHave 2 people trying to "bag." ahaha iFeel like im always put in the position as if iAm the bad guy. -_- like iM attempting to be as nice as iPossibly can but it's not working apparently. :/ so you now what FUCK IT. no more nice girl because in the end the nice one just gets fucked over. im getting my life straight & im gonna focus on whats important to me.! school, dance, reading, friends, and him. thats it. iCan no longer try to be nice to everyone iKnow.

So as of right now, ahaha im on the phone with some child. he's fxcking retarded. -_- like ugh. WHY ARE BOYS SO STUPID. do they have any idea of how to speak to a girl? Oh, iDidnt think so. iHate the fact that it feels to me that this isnt going to work. iFeel like im giving a mile and he's giving an inch. iFeel like we take 5 steps forward to get pushed 10 steps back. iDunno ijust wanna hear "iLove you shimonaaa." ahah that would make my day. but iGuess you cant have everything that you want. and whats meant to be will always find its way. ugh. anyways my vacation sucks so far. :/ like iHavent went out anywhere. aahah im so boring. iNeed to go to the Y & work out im gettting morbidly obese. ahaha like im getting so mad right now so im getting off the computer. ugh. BYE.

chilliando. (:

hmmm so umm yeah ihavent wrote anything in mad long aha but since the last time i wrote shit is going okayy. so tuesday was alright. wednesday was great! ahah actually not. but niggas are like so wack. irealized on wednesday that people lie outta there asss to keep themselves safe. like idont understand why people do that. :/ but yeah shits okay iguess & this all makes no sense. but irealized that IAM A TRENDSETTTER ! ahaha! yo deadasss everyone does what ido. which is really silly because like come on its just me. wtf. anyways so yeah umm next... so ihate when this man is trying to play mind games. dont try to get with me & my best friend. it doesnt work like that. we're with eachother everyday. & you honestly think that we wouldnt talk to eachother?! thats funnny & then you just deny it. CUTE reallly cute naht ! like damn im stupid but not as stupid as you think iam. seriously.

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssst. so mona's bestfriend came thru too write on this blogg this too. well i agree on what you said above yo. how can he be soo stupid to spit game to you & me knowin DAMN well we talk to each other 24/7. stupidd stupidd stupidd.
but anywaysz GuysAreDirt! they stay tryna playyy us.

anywaysz I Love You Monaaaaaaaaaa

[NuggetLaNuggz came thruu on 2 6'9]

not a good day.

today was a bad day. like it sucked. inever thought he'd see me cry. well so much for thinking that. ifucking cried. yeah idid. & idk anymore. my heart just really fucking hurts. iguess there's somethings people dont know about me. iguess its that my smiles are fake, and when no one's around my "happy smiles" turn into watery tears. ilove & care about people who dont care about me, & ihave a hard time lettting things go. some people love me & some hate me. but it doesnt matter. iguess ijust wish things were the way they used to be so my smiles can be real again.

idk im just lost...

my broken heart. -_-

welll today was an ugh day. like idont even know whats going on. ahah iwent to church this morning. but yeah ifelt okayy, so now idk. im trying to like be nice to someone but ifeeel like they want nothing to do with me. aha. :/ ifeel like im being pushed away. and idk im just trying to make it work but iguess its not. & the closer you try to pull, someone the farther you're actually pushing them away. which really sucksss. ifeel like im in a hole and im only sinking sinking sinking. :/nothing sucks more than being hurt by someone you thought loved you. it'll all get better in time. idont really have much else to sayy accept that this is the illest quote. (:

"Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The girls who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The girls who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. this is for the girls who cried on the first day you two talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The girls who listened to him say, ionly want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the girls that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. we listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the girls who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. this is for the girls who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. This is for the girls who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The girls who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day, you'll find a guy whose worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls, who fell back in love with a guy, only to get hurt all over again."

first one's a charm. (:

sooo iwas just thinking. hmm maybe i'll start blogging becasue ihave alot to say?! ahah sounds like a good idea huh. don't mind my randomnesss. ahah wellll, lately ifeel like shit is just falling apart. like idont understand why. ? but iguess you cant really do anything about that. so anyways umm idon't know how to handle my frustration other than to write. so iguess i've found something good to do. it seems to me like things just get more & more boring here. iwish icould move away & just start over brand new. its one of those things yah now. :/ im sick of like being so nice to people just to get fucked over. it makes no sense to me. but ilook at it like icant be mean to people because thats just not who iam. everytime im nice to someone & iforgive them repeatedly they just fuck me over then lie about it. man up & stop lying. ugh. seriously. but you know what ... "what don't break a nigga makes a nigga." (: so that just like made me feel so much better. ahah ithink ilike this whole blogging thing.