80/20 rule.

i was just thinking that movie;
Why Did I Get Married & then i
thought of this rule & decided to share.

in every relationship, a man is only
gonna get 80 percent from a woman.
so he obviously goes to find that other
20 percent. he finds the 20 percent
and leaves the 80 percent thinking
hes getting something bettter. but
after time passes by he realizes that
he left 80 percent for 20 percent & the
80 percent has moved on to something
better, & at the end of it all hes screwed.

deadass....

im thinking about ending this blog.

ICS

i think things between us are just fucked up.
how do we go from best friends to acting as
if we don't even know each other? i hate the
fact that we have to live like this. i feel like
everything happens for a reason. i don't
understand what happened with us. I'm
thinking about what this could mean.


I'm sick of you trying to make me feel inferior.
i refuse to let you or anyone make me feel
inferior without my consent. you always
leave me out when its all of us. I'm not the
only one who notices it. and I'm not gonna play
the victim if that's what you want.


I'm really not begging for your friendship,
but i don't wanna act as if i don't know you.
if you choose not to speak to me, that's cool.
but give me the closure of at least knowing
why. i miss having you around, & i miss all
the fun times we had oh so long ago. i
miss you, and I'll always be here for you.
take care of yourself, and my number will
forever be the same. ♥

thought.

so today, i find out that he cheated on me.
yeah he did. i mean i had trust in him, so
i never thought he would. he fucked
another girl. a girl i was friends with. thats
so stupid. im not here to villify her, but i am
here to share a piece of my mind.

so please explain to me, how me& yu are friends.
then you go fck my boyfriend? actually let him take
you viirginity. that shit makes no sense. actuallly
this really doesnt even need to be written about.
but all i have to say is that this is why i never have
a boyfrriend there is js no trust. i would never ever
cheat on anyone. i promise yu that.

haaaay.

so i got the laptop. & internet is back in action.
wellll school has obviously started, and its good.
im making new friends & they're good. the new
little freshmen boys are mad cute and very nice.
i play volleyball, and it was really fun but now i
actually i hate it. i hate practice, and games. but
im not gonna quit because im not a quitter.


boys #1 & 2 are done. ahaha i give up. i've got
my priorities in order. and i know what is most
important to me & its really not boys. i've
realized that basically every single boy out
there is the same. they all was sex, and they are
alll afraid of commitment. im getting to the point
in my life where im done fcking with wack ass
dudes. and i really dont wanna waste anytime.
for me your either in it all or nothing. seriously.


but now i really dont even want a boyfriend, i'd
rather js chill and do me. i been doin me for the
past 16 years, & it seems to be working out fine.
i honestly like js chillin with the guys. thats all i
do, & i js like being with the guys. i like js chilling
with them. i really dont care anymore, calll me
whatever the hell you want. im js doing what i
like to do, how i want to do it whether you are
okay with that or not. i js dont care. i know this
is completely random. but whatever. ahah i
wish that people would js let me live my life,
& not critisize what i do. its annoying.


but other than lifes usual difficulties. everything
is good. i think im actually happpy. (: well life is
life, but what else can you do. i have the 3 best
friends a girl could ask for. im still young, i have
one more year of school, then im off to college.
so for now the rest of my youthood, im going to
live it up. life is a party so im gonna live it up.
boys come and go, things go wrong as theyy
always willl, but you only live once. so why
mope around & be sad about whats going wrong.
js pick things up & live your life. & (:

catch up.

my computer broke again. which sucks. :/

im on the phone with harry. this man is my

best buddddy. he thinks his girl is cheating

on him. but i dont know what to tell him.

but anyways moving onnn. so i been good

lately i guess. so about my boy situation ;

i got #1 and #2. call me whatever yu want.

#1 was doin good for a while. but now is js

slackin again. i mean idk what to do or say.

i js kinda feel like its not that serious any

more. like i love him & i always willl. but i

js feel like now, we're better off as friends.

i dont get the same feeling i used to and

idk what it is. i wanna have a niiice long

talk, but that js hasnt happened yet, so i

dont know what to do next. im js chillin &

doin me, for now. i feel like i'll always be

there for him, & when things come crashing

down he will always have me to lean on.

#2. what to say about him. ha! i js feel like

me & him arent on the same page. hes 17

but i feeel like he acts like he's 13. even tho

im younger i feel like i act way older than

him. i feeel like he likes me more than i

like him. & its weird, cause i like him but

js not as much as i thought i did. i dont

wanna tell him that i dont like him as

much as i thought, cause i dont wanna hurt

him at all. but then i dont wanna lie to him.

its kinda hard, cause im stuck. i know that

he's everything i've ever wanted, but he's

nothing i'll ever have. & that sucks. but its

all my fault.

there is som kid i like a little. i js met him

& i know i dont know him that much, but

hes cooool. im not gonna say to much about

it cause i dont wanna look stupid. so thas that.

-----------------------------------------------

i got this friend. i love her to death. she talks to

some kid. and yesterday i was thinkin ; and the

reason why things arent working out, is because

she plays his game. yu know how when you

play sports, they tell you "play your game, dont

play their game." she plays his game, and thas

why things dont work. i wanna tell her but idk

how, and i dont wanna seem like im all up in her

businesss. :/ so idk. i want yu to know that ily,

& ill always be here. no matter what. <3

have you ever ...

felt like you were stuck in a rut ?!

i feeel like im stuck. what do you do

if all your life you wanted someone to

call yu js to say hi, calls you beautiful,

smiles at the thought of your name, when he's

with his boys he points to you & says

"yeah thas her.", wants nothing more

than to show you the world and everything

it has to offer, likes you for you, & most

importantly js wants to make you happy.

i've always wanted a guy like that, someone

js like that. js freaking like that. js like it.

and not that i have it, it seems like i dont

even want it. in this case i think that its

really bittersweet. & i want him but then

again i dont. i need him but i dont. idk.

its something i've wanted for oh so long,

but now that i actually have it it seems

like hes js not my style. im used to thugs

i guess yu can say. ha. & now that i have

someone who is always nice to me. idk its

js wierd.

im afraid to let go of my past. im afraid to

open up cause i dont want to be judged

for my story. im most afraid to make him

my everything, cause when he's gone i'll

have absolutely NOTHING.

that scares me the most to be completely

honest. mel says to give him a chance because

it could do me some good, and i'll realize

that i deserve this good treatment. but its

easier said then done. i do know that i

need to stop making up excuses & js come

face to face with this.

this must have been what he was talking about

on sunday when he said for god to help me

make the right decision. well its right that i do

need gods help to make this decision. i js hope

that i can make a good decision & fast. its

my confusion ; what i want, what i need, and

what i misss. i dont know honestly.

this is so bittersweet, its gonna be the death of me. . .